collage made by me, original photo credit to andy warhol
Virginity is a strange concept, mainly because at this point no one really knows what it means any more. That sounds like quite a vague description but ask anyone what they think virginity means and I can bet that not everyone will have the same idea of what exactly virginity is. It's a highly personal subject to be wholly honest which means it can be interpreted in various ways but that in turn can become quiet problematic.
You see the problem with virginity at the moment is that most people aren't getting that virginity is a concept. And the definition of concept is an abstract idea. This means that virginity can actually mean a whole range of things and doesn't even have to have one sole definition. But this isn't about defining virginity as such, it's more about what that concept of virginity has become, and it's actually become an oppressive social construct really.
By calling it a social construct it goes along with the idea that virginity is a concept and nothing more than an abstract idea; therefore virginity doesn't really exist does it? What I'm trying to do here is reinforce that virginity is nothing but an idea and isn't fact. And yeah, it is a personal subject and great if you do believe in it and everything but that depends really of your idea of what virginity is. I don't have a problem with it as such, just the whole social connotations of being/not being a virgin and the mainstream idea of virginity which is totally hetronormative and inherently sexist.
If I'm honest I'm quite shocked that virginity is still such an issue in 2014 and I was actually only fully aware of how important it is to talk about until a few weeks ago when I was talking to some friends about virginity. I can't remember how the conversation came up but we were talking and it got to the point were the majority of my friends bar me and and one other had all agreed that you could only lose your virginity if a girl had intercourse with a guy.Any other form of sex didn't count. This is my first problem with virginity, that it's only valid when a guy and a girl fuck which is total bullshit. This idea completely excludes any other form of sexuality other than being straight. I personally think that if your going to take virginity seriously as a concept then be fucking open with it at least.
This hetronormative view of virginity was just one of the reasons I decided to reject the notion of being a virgin and virginity as a whole. The second was the negative, oppressive and sexist connotations surrounding it. I was once again only really aware of this the other day during an argument with my mum. I'd fucked up with some stuff and everything, got home and one of the first things my mum said to me was 'at least you're still a virgin'. It was at that moment I realised that for some stupid reason my virginity affected how my own mother viewed me, as if being a virgin or not affected validity of being a person. That if I wasn't a virgin that suddenly had a detriment on my whole character and how she viewed me. That what I do or don't do sexually actually affected the way I live my life. It's connotations like these which make me reject the notion of virginity. For boys, yeah I get it okay there's so much pressure on you to have sex but does it affect how people view you,really? Also who implemented these pressures on you, oh yeah the patriarchal systems that enforce these ideas onto society. Obviously virginity is an issue for both sexes but it is evidently a sexist issue against girls. Virginity is what causes slut shaming, it may be indirectly responsible but it still remains responsible.
I've stressed so much that virginity is a concept as that is all it is and all it will ever be; an abstract idea that shouldn't mean shit to anyone. Until the mainstream idea of virginity becomes all inclusive and is stopped being used for insults or to measure a person's worth, let alone affect someone's own self worth and the way they view themselves then I don't see any reason to accept it as a valid idea.
Posted by Queenie
'Deep End' is Queenie's new column where she'll post fortnightly about sex-related issues, stay tuned babes
No comments:
Post a Comment