THE ART OF SAYING 'NO'

"College is the time when everyone experiences those things such as sex and fun and pleasure. But in those years I've had to rot in loneliness. It's not fair. You girls have never been attracted to me. I don't know why you girls aren't attracted to me. But I will punish you all for it,"

The last time I heard of University College of Santa Barbara was on Hannah Montana circa 2011. As I scrolled down my tumblr dashboard last night I came across the name again, only in a less comical tone. May 23rd saw a killing spree committed by Elliot Rodger who took the lives of at least 6 young people. Prior to the attack Rodger posted a video on YouTube in which he classed his act as one of retribution. Whilst watching the video I realised that I was listening to somebody who has been failed by our society. Not because he couldn't get laid, but because he had been taught that he, as a male, deserved to. Elliot Rodger was acting in retribution for being denied sex from girls - what we have here is a victim of the friend zone:

Friend Zone: What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you're attracted to

Somewhere along the line, perhaps at the beginning of time, society came to the conclusion that rejecting a male's sexual advances is the most heinous social crime a woman could ever commit. The effects of this range from, "I don't have a phone, sorry *phone rings*", to Elliot Rodger-esque reactions; only the issue is only ever raised when the latter happens. Women have been denied of their right to say 'no', and instead have learnt to sugarcoat their rejections in an effort to save the male ego from bruising, because God forbid that happens, right?

'Friend zoning' and rejection conditions alike teach men that they are of less value if they do not engage in sexual activity with a woman. Heterosexual intercourse is endorsed as the sole norm, rejecting and devaluing anything other than penis-vagina action. So it comes as no surprise that women aren't the only victims of this concept, and yet again, it is everybody's problem. From the outset of our lives boys and girls are raised differently, resulting in a society of self-professed superior males and females with an underlying submissive complex. This is now a norm, meaning that those who do not conform to it, deliberately or not, will receive some sort of subliminal sanction for it usually masked by comical terms. It's almost as if growing up is simply a process of wearing down one's self esteem, crazy...

Sex isn't an inherited right for males and therefore shouldn't be treated as one. The choice of exploring one's sexual identity is the choice of the individual  so we, as a society, must stop trying to control the actions of others. Women and men must be empowered, reassured that the sexual attention from members of the opposite sex has no correlation to their self value. Until this message overthrows the current, more 'Elliot Rodger's will emerge, and more lives will be destroyed. Women aren't sex machines, no amount of 'nice guy' coins will guarantee sex; it is a false expectation so we should expect it to stop.

Yes, Elliot Rodger was a misogynist killer. But that doesn't change the fact that he, like the rest of us, was a victim of a dysfunctional society.

No.
Non.
Nej.
Nein.
Nahin.
Tidak.
Rara.
Say it loud and proud ladies.

Posted by Melissa

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